Believe it or not, I don't want to bring anyone down... I just seem to be at a point in my life where not a whole lot of good things have come my way to talk about. I have several other blogs and many of them probably have cheerier stuff than this but I guess I just need to write it down.
I am tired of feeling this way... I am tired of putting myself into something and getting nothing out of it. I was thinking about it... I haven't been really excited about anything since 2007! That's like four years! I mean, what's up with that? People have told me to stop my complaining because people have it worse.
I agree, alright... but no matter who you are, there is someone who always has it worse. I feel unkind suggesting it, but at a certain point you have to wonder "What about me?" I'm fairly certain if everything magically starts looking up for that person who has it worse, they'll continue not to think about me. And that's fine... if I don't affect some guy's life then why should he put any thought towards mine?
My beef is with the mechanics of life. I keep trying new things to stay afloat... and I think that what I do is of note... but it doesn't help... life wants to sink me. Sorry, I wanted to stay with that metaphor.
Still, I look at the week ahead... the month... the year... and I'm not sure that anything will change for the better. I have too much time and nothing to do with it. Some might think it's a blessing... no one is making me wake up and drive to some daily grind... I can do whatever I want right? Wrong... I'm in a hole and I can't get out... yes, a lot of it is my fault... but some of it is out of my hands to fix. Someone needs to take an interest or I am doomed to go through the same things over and again... I can't look forward to anything because no one sees me! The real me... the me that can be fun and good...
And I have to laugh because people tell me to be optimistic... optimism is what got me to this point. I mean, pessimism won't really help either but optimism hasn't been my problem. I think if you look into my work that'll show. It makes me wonder whether anyone wants to really know me... I know that I'm not some famous celebrity or anything but at least my friends might want to see who I am.
I don't know if I really fit into anyone's life anymore. I will still put my all into it. I'm afraid though, that I'm just taking up space. Prove me wrong.
Have good nights, and take care!